Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
