Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
