i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
