its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
