Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
