I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
