It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
