No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
