i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
