I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
