No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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