Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
