not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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