remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
