My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
