I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
