I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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