I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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