her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
