My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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