Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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