Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
