so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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