loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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