is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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