So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
