you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
