Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
