some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
