i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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