A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
