she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
