so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
