i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
