So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
