I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
