ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
