you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
