just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
