It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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