Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
