4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
