i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
