Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
