never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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