dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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