Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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