I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
