All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Don't make out with my wife yet
4 words: hood of his car
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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