she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't think brook has ever known best
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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