Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
